This afternoon at 5:00 I walked down to Rita’s house with Joy. We were both quite worried as to how she was fairing after seeing how she was the past two days. Of course as we were nearing the house people ran to get her. I was so glad to see that she was herself again. We were able to talk with her and comfort her and pray with her. We told her that our customs are so different that we felt very confused and worried about her. Then she told us that there was no accident. Her husband did not hit anything nor was hit by anything. He was found lying by the side of the road beside his parked motorbike. At 4:00am he had tried to contact his younger brother who lives in Timika (home of Freeport Mining company). He wasn’t successful, but was obviously still alive at that time. Here’s the thing, he has a small child with another woman and they live in the village by the beach we like to go to. We heard that he was called to come because there was something wrong with the child. According to the people there, when he left to go home again he was not drunk or anything. The motorbike did not have a scratch on it and neither did he. He also still had his handphone on him which was taken by the police as part of their investigation. He had no obvious marks anywhere on his body. The doctor that saw him said that he had been killed probably by strangulation as his tongue was kind of out of the side of his mouth. But the doctors here aren’t very good so who knows if he is right or not. We explained to Rita that there are times when a person is injured but you can’t see the injuries as they are internal. But the crunch of the matter is that she doesn’t know how her husband died or why. By all accounts he was well liked by everyone and knew everyone.
Rita, the poor girl, hasn’t slept since he left in the middle of the night. She was already worried then. She was so tired when we saw her. Unfortunately she must follow the rules of her husband’s tribal culture. He is from around here and she is from the interior mountain people, the Dani’s. Her husband’s four sisters have come and are staying in her house until three nights have passed. During that time Rita may not change her clothes (she was still wearing the same shirt stained with her husband’s blood when we saw her), bathe, leave the house, or get her own food or drink. They will prepare food and drink for her and give it to her. Technically she is not allowed to work for forty days now but as she is a widow with two small children, she is going to be allowed to forgo that rule. Thankfully. I told her that she needn’t work for me until she feels ready and that I will still pay her. Also, during those forty days her husband’s family will visit her everyday. So basically her house has been full of people since this all happened and she hasn’t had a moment to really be alone and grieve and pray. Of her two girls, the younger one seems to better understand what has happened than the older one.
Today I asked Icelina about Rita’s behaviour and the fact that no one appeared to be comforting her etc… She said that as long as there is a body, the widow can think of nothing else and kind of loses her mind. Everyone knows this and so they just leave her alone and let her grieve until the body is in the ground. Then she will go home and eat something and then they will talk with her. Rita’s mother and father were both there as well along with aunts and uncles etc… So her family did come to support her.
What is also amazing about the whole process is that there was no funeral home called who arranged everything, it was all done by the community. The neighbour men, who were friends of Leo, got together and bought the plywood and made the coffin and they wrapped it in black cloth and decorated it with string art (see photo of lid on yesterdays post). It was they who dug the hole for the coffin and then filled it, not a machine. It was they who arranged the tarps and sound system. It was the women who arranged for the food and who helped Rita dress her husband for burial. Everyone knows what needs to be done and what to do to get it done. It really is a community effort.