Tuesday, January 22, 2008

This morning at 9:00am, Joy, our neighbour for whom Rita also works, and I walked down to Rita's house to attend the funeral service. I'm not sure why they don't do it in the church. Anyways, it was supposed to start at 9:00 but didn't start until 10:30. In front of the house they had hung a tarp and put some benches under it. At the front was a box that you could put money into to help the family pay for the expenses that are incurred. Joy and I went into the house and sat with Rita for a bit. At that point the body was in the coffin and the top was covered with a thick clear plastic. Rita was still crying and wailing and waving her hand over him. She was also still wearing the same clothes as the day before as well. Rita is normally a very level-headed cheerful person so it was difficult to see her in this automaton-type state. Her sister had thankfully come out of that state and washed and dressed the girls before the service. At the back of the house people were busy cooking food for later. It is expected that food is provided as many have to come from far. Finally at 10:30, the minister started the service. Thankfully they didn't turn the volume on the speaker up too loud. The pastor spoke some nice words of comfort encouraging us not to feel sad for Leo as he has returned home to our Father in heaven, but only feel sad for those left behind. Meanwhile Rita remained inside with the body and continued to moan and cry. It was really too bad that she couldn't listen to those words of comfort. (there is to be another service on Thursday evening so hopefully by then she will be able to listen to those comforting words) Then after the sermon there was one last chance to view the body and there was much wailing and crying that accompanied that. Then you could hear them nail the lid on the coffin. After that they carried the coffin out and Rita didn't want to let go of it and walked with it to the van. She, her sister, and the two little girls accompanied the body to the grave site. It was sad to see those little girls. They didn't really seem to understand what was going on and I'm sure were feeling confused by the behaviour of their mother. Many people rode in the back of dump trucks or in taxis to the grave site. Joy and I walked and it was an interesting hike through streams and peoples' yards and up the hill. At the grave site Rita continued to wail and cry no matter what was going on. The minister spoke again and we sang some songs and recited the Creed. Then the coffin was lowered into the grave and some threw dirt on it and Rita and another relative threw flower petals on it. Then a bunch of men filled the hole and we all watched and waited for them to be done. When they were done, there were the flower signs laid on it by representatives of the groups that had given them. The last one was put on by Rita with great difficulty. She could hardly walk anymore by that point and needed help from two friends. she kept saying that he was going to be hot under there and then later at night cold. After that everyone just left and no one said anything to Rita. Joy and I went to her and hugged her. I tried to talk to her and tell her to drink something and rest as it is done. I told her she needs to think about her girls now. But I don't think my words were heard, she was in such a state. Joy and I were struck by how alone she seemed. There were no family members there to comfort her. There was a man who is either her father or was Leo's father but we never saw him talk to her. We were thinking that maybe one of the reasons she is grieving so much is because she feels so alone right now. I'm so thankful for her that she does have her sister who lives with her. Rita's mother lives in Wamena, which may as well be another continent as it is expensive for them to fly there and they are so poor, and her dad lives in Jayapura area with his other family. He married twice. Please continue to uphold Rita in your prayers that her faith may overcome her grief and that she may continue to raise her girls in the fear of God. Please pray that we will have the wisdom to help Rita in the best way possible.













2 comments:

Lisa said...

Wow, Erica, what an experience. It must be difficult to try and break through the cultural differences to try and help. With our stoic Dutch background, we are almost ashamed to show emotion, especially grief. May God show you the way to get through to her.

Fried said...

Those are things you will never forget.Now youse have a task at hand.....to teach her to grieve in the hope of the ressurection.May you recieve wisdom and strength from above to talk to her and teach her.Must be quite the experience tho'--all the different customs and rituals,but also interesting.Well my dear,hope this finds you all in good health and spirits.Praying for youse always,
Aunt Frieda