Today I went to church with the kids. On the way we picked up two of the ministers kids as they live just down the road from us. The older girl, who is 18, told us that her mom and dad were having a fight and had asked Pak Naftali (an elder and the one whose house we meet in) to come and help facilitate. So we arrived at church and two other children of the minister arrive as well. Then the phone rings and another elder answers it and comes back and tells us that the problem is not yet solved so the minister won’t be able to preach today. So we had a “service” without a sermon. Everyone just takes it in stride. Can you imagine if that were to happen in Canada? Hmmmm….
Yesterday I went to see Rita again. I brought her some food. There’s this new kind of Indomie (like Mr. Noodles-wildly popular here and available in a plethora of flavours) that has the flavour of satay. Satay is the peanut sauce that you put on chicken that has been barbequed on sticks. Very yummy. Anyways, I know Rita loves it. Basically it was an excuse to see how things were going. Her house was quiet again. Only her mom is still visiting. So that was nice to see. But the women in her husbands family had made her cut her hair- it is part of their adat (cultural tradition). If I understood correctly, she is not allowed to cook, leave the house, or work for 40 days. It sounds like the husband’s family is being quite strict about it and even has someone checking up on her each day. Then there’s the issue of the money. In front of the house in the day and a half before the burial there was a box to put money in to help out the family. I had put in an envelope with Rita’s name on it and so had Joy. That money never made it to Rita. We told Rita that we had done this and she has asked around about the money as there was much more than needed to pay for the coffin, rent of tarp, sound system etc… Suddenly no one seems to know who took care of the funds… This is very sad as it was someone from Rita’s husband’s family who took care of it. So not only do they not allow her to work for 40 days, they also take all the money that was given for her and her girls… But that is so typical here. When a woman becomes a widow here, her life becomes very difficult. Especially if her husband owed people money etc... One can’t help but feel a sense of deep sadness regarding this situation. But what can you do? We can’t change how things are done, we can only help out Rita as best we can without going too far as that wouldn’t be healthy either. I’m thankful that Joy and her husband are also able to help out as they have lived here as a couple for 30 years (John grew up here too) and have a lot of experience.
I also talked with Adel deHaan (expat veterinarian here) about Pak Leo’s death and she said that a lot of people here die of heart attack and stroke because of smoking (without filters often) and diets high in deep fried foods and carbohydrates.