Today we visited Ibu Tati and her family. It was quite an experience. Ibu Tati lives in one quarter of a house owned by her mother. They have split it into three apartments and Ibu Tati and three siblings live in each one. As you can see from the photos it is quite poor. Ibu’s portion of the house consists of a tiny kitchen area (see photo), a tiny living room, and two small bedrooms. There is no running water in her part of the house. If she needs water she has to go downstairs to the shared bathroom (closet) and get it. Part of the roof of their house is terra cotta shingles and the rest is just corrugated metal with lots of holes. There is a window in the kitchen but it has no glass (see photo). Through that window you can see a garbage heap and then some more houses. They are fortunate because there is space around their house to play. There are no other houses attached to theirs. In front is a badminton court that’s become rather decrepit. This is where the kids of the kampung play.
Ibu’s story is quite sad. When she was sixteen years old her parents arranged for her to marry a guy ten years older than her. At age seventeen she had her first child, a girl. A couple years later she had another girl. The photo of Ibu with three kids is of her and her daughter in the yellow, her grandson, and her niece. Ibu’s husband was not a very ambitious guy and he liked to play billiards. Each day he would go off as if to work, but instead of working he played around. He would then just ask his parents for money. He also liked to hit Ibu if he was angry with her. So she learned not to say anything. She also didn’t want her parents to know that their marriage wasn’t good because her parents had arranged it and she didn’t want them to feel bad. At that point she was already living in the apartment that she lives in now. (She pays her mom a little bit of rent each month) So in order for no one to find out, she never argued with her husband at all. She also didn’t want her daughters to see them fighting. But after a number of years she couldn’t take it anymore and told her parents that she wanted to divorce her husband and explained why. They were of course quite shocked as they had had no idea of the situation. This is very cultural here. You do not air your problems at all and they are kept extremely secret. At first Ibu’s husband resisted the divorce as he had it good with her. She worked very hard and didn’t complain. But they did eventually divorce. While they were in the process of divorcing Ibu had the opportunity to go to Taiwan with the family that she was working for. If she had been able to go she would have been able to save up enough to buy a house herself. But he wouldn’t let her go even though they were separated. In this country as long as you are legally married you have to have permission from your husband to leave. About five years ago Ibu met her current husband and they fell in love. He too was previously married and has two children as well. Unfortunately his wife left him and their children for someone else. The children ended up being raised by his mother. They visit their dad fairly often and seem to have a good relationship with him and Ibu Tati. He is a good man and works hard. He has a pretty good job but is gone a lot. He is working on a project outside of Bandung and just stays overnight there as it is 1.5-2 hours drive away. He has always helped Ibu pay for things for her daughters even though his family gets mad if he does so because they are not his biological children. He is currently buying a car from his boss and has his paycheque cut each month to pay for it. It is a 1982 Honda Accord. It needs quite a bit of body work, but the motor is good. It is a lot nicer for him to drive a car to work than a motorbike especially when it rains. To own a car here is quite the thing. It is cheaper to own a house than a car! They also have a motorbike which Ibu’s daughter uses to go to work. On the photo of the kitchen, in the bottom left hand corner you can see the corner of a fridge. It is quite unusual to have a fridge here. Ibu’s daughter works at a big department store and was able to buy this little fridge at a discount on payments. So she did this for her mom three months ago. I love how they all help eachother out. Ibu’s daughter is always helping her mom cook and take care of her little sister even though she works and goes to school. Ibu and her husband have a daughter who is almost three years old. She is the one that was sick with Typhus. At that time she actually had to stay in the hospital for a while but Ibu didn’t tell me this because she didn’t want to ask me for more help as she had already borrowed 1 million rupiah from us. I respect her for that as so many people here will come directly to their white bosses as soon as they have any problem. I didn’t know that Bunga was in the hospital but I knew that they had gone to the doctor so I did give her 100,000 rups at that time. I’m sure glad that I did now that I know Bunga was actually in the hospital. It is so hard to get ahead here as it costs them so much of their monthly income to buy medicine and see the doctor. Just over a year ago Ibu was pregnant with another baby but it died in her womb at about 7 months. He was born naturally but they had already seen on the ultrasound that he had a very large head and so was deformed. She was very sad about it and was so afraid that it would happen again that she had her tubes tied. That all cost them a tremendous amount of money so it’s no wonder they still live where they do and the way they do. I love Ibu Tati, she works very hard for us and is a lot of fun to talk with. She loves Brynnie and takes good care of her when we are studying. Brynnie often cries when Ibu goes home. I will really miss Ibu when we move to Papua. Not for her work, but for who she is and what she has taught me.
Ibu’s story is quite sad. When she was sixteen years old her parents arranged for her to marry a guy ten years older than her. At age seventeen she had her first child, a girl. A couple years later she had another girl. The photo of Ibu with three kids is of her and her daughter in the yellow, her grandson, and her niece. Ibu’s husband was not a very ambitious guy and he liked to play billiards. Each day he would go off as if to work, but instead of working he played around. He would then just ask his parents for money. He also liked to hit Ibu if he was angry with her. So she learned not to say anything. She also didn’t want her parents to know that their marriage wasn’t good because her parents had arranged it and she didn’t want them to feel bad. At that point she was already living in the apartment that she lives in now. (She pays her mom a little bit of rent each month) So in order for no one to find out, she never argued with her husband at all. She also didn’t want her daughters to see them fighting. But after a number of years she couldn’t take it anymore and told her parents that she wanted to divorce her husband and explained why. They were of course quite shocked as they had had no idea of the situation. This is very cultural here. You do not air your problems at all and they are kept extremely secret. At first Ibu’s husband resisted the divorce as he had it good with her. She worked very hard and didn’t complain. But they did eventually divorce. While they were in the process of divorcing Ibu had the opportunity to go to Taiwan with the family that she was working for. If she had been able to go she would have been able to save up enough to buy a house herself. But he wouldn’t let her go even though they were separated. In this country as long as you are legally married you have to have permission from your husband to leave. About five years ago Ibu met her current husband and they fell in love. He too was previously married and has two children as well. Unfortunately his wife left him and their children for someone else. The children ended up being raised by his mother. They visit their dad fairly often and seem to have a good relationship with him and Ibu Tati. He is a good man and works hard. He has a pretty good job but is gone a lot. He is working on a project outside of Bandung and just stays overnight there as it is 1.5-2 hours drive away. He has always helped Ibu pay for things for her daughters even though his family gets mad if he does so because they are not his biological children. He is currently buying a car from his boss and has his paycheque cut each month to pay for it. It is a 1982 Honda Accord. It needs quite a bit of body work, but the motor is good. It is a lot nicer for him to drive a car to work than a motorbike especially when it rains. To own a car here is quite the thing. It is cheaper to own a house than a car! They also have a motorbike which Ibu’s daughter uses to go to work. On the photo of the kitchen, in the bottom left hand corner you can see the corner of a fridge. It is quite unusual to have a fridge here. Ibu’s daughter works at a big department store and was able to buy this little fridge at a discount on payments. So she did this for her mom three months ago. I love how they all help eachother out. Ibu’s daughter is always helping her mom cook and take care of her little sister even though she works and goes to school. Ibu and her husband have a daughter who is almost three years old. She is the one that was sick with Typhus. At that time she actually had to stay in the hospital for a while but Ibu didn’t tell me this because she didn’t want to ask me for more help as she had already borrowed 1 million rupiah from us. I respect her for that as so many people here will come directly to their white bosses as soon as they have any problem. I didn’t know that Bunga was in the hospital but I knew that they had gone to the doctor so I did give her 100,000 rups at that time. I’m sure glad that I did now that I know Bunga was actually in the hospital. It is so hard to get ahead here as it costs them so much of their monthly income to buy medicine and see the doctor. Just over a year ago Ibu was pregnant with another baby but it died in her womb at about 7 months. He was born naturally but they had already seen on the ultrasound that he had a very large head and so was deformed. She was very sad about it and was so afraid that it would happen again that she had her tubes tied. That all cost them a tremendous amount of money so it’s no wonder they still live where they do and the way they do. I love Ibu Tati, she works very hard for us and is a lot of fun to talk with. She loves Brynnie and takes good care of her when we are studying. Brynnie often cries when Ibu goes home. I will really miss Ibu when we move to Papua. Not for her work, but for who she is and what she has taught me.
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